i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
