Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
