so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
