girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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