I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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