We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Please don't give away my fajitas
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
