I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
