i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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