So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
