All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
