and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
