please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm bleeding and have questions
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
