Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We talked him into tasing himself.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
