Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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