Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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