Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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