drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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