And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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