It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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