If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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