I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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