ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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