i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
