Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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