is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
