I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
