What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
