I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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