she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
