based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
