he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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