Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
