I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
