We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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