I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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