try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
