did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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