Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
