I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
