That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
