paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sext me about skeletons
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
