Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
