i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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