Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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