it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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