I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
