as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
