I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
