His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
