I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
