I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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