I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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