"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
