it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
