Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
