how can u be prego again
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
