How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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